Q1: You find a heavy, flesh-bound book in the hospital basement. A tape recorder nearby is already playing an incantation. You: A. Smash the recorder immediately and throw the book into the incinerator. [You are Ash Williams] B. Listen for a few seconds to understand what you're dealing with, then look for a weapon. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. Get distracted by the "scientific importance" of the text and start taking notes. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. Lean in closer. The voice on the tape sounds strangely like a lost relative. [You are Cherly Williams] Q2: A possessed orderly is crawling on the ceiling, taunting you with a secret from your past. How do you respond? A. "I’ve already forgiven myself." Then, you blast them with a fire extinguisher. [You are Ash Williams] B. You ignore the taunts and focus on finding a heavy-duty surgical saw. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. You freeze, paralyzed by the fact that the demon knows your deepest shame. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. You try to reason with them. "Kevin, I know you’re still in there!" [You are Cherly Williams] Q3: You are trapped in a sterilization room with three items. Which one do you grab? A. A modified bone-saw with a high-torque motor. [You are Ash Williams] B. A double-barreled flare gun and a canister of gasoline. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. A heavy metal tray and a prayer book you found in the chapel. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. A rolling IV pole. At least it has wheels? [You are Cherly Williams] Q4: Your best friend has been "turned." They are currently begging you to kill them before the demon takes over completely. You: A. Do it. It’s the only way to save their soul and your skin. [You are Ash Williams] B. Hesitate, looking for a way to "exorcise" them without violence. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. Run away. You can’t handle the blood, and you hope someone else deals with it. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. Give them a hug. Surely love is stronger than an ancient Sumerian curse. [You are Cherly Williams] Q5: The Deadites have flooded the hallways with "Blood Rain." The only exit is a trash chute five floors down. You: A. Fashion a makeshift rain-slicker out of body bags and start sprinting. [You are Ash Williams] B. Clear a path with a chainsaw, laughing manically because the adrenaline has finally taken over. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. Hide in a locker and wait for the "Final Girl/Guy" to find you. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. Trip over a mop bucket within the first ten feet. [You are Cherly Williams] Q6: The ward is on fire, and a Deadite blocks the only exit. You: A. Rev the saw and charge. If it bleeds, it can be cut, even if it’s already dead. [You are Ash Williams] B. Smash its skull with a pressurized tank and sprint. Don't look back; keep moving. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. Shoulder the door open, screaming for the others to run while you hold the line. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. Freeze. The demon is wearing your mother’s face, crying for help in the smoke. [You are Cherly Williams] Q7: The "Mother" Demon offers to take your trauma away forever. You: A. Spit in its eye and pull the trigger. My pain is mine, you can’t have it. [You are Ash Williams] B. Ignite the gas line. If I’m going down, I’m taking this entire floor with me. [You are Kelly Maxwell] C. Recite the banishment verse with shaking hands, praying the words still have power. [You are Pablo Simon Bolivar] D. Finally stop fighting. The darkness feels warmer than the life you’ve been living. [You are Cherly Williams] Results: - You are Ash Williams: You are the Reluctant Icon. Like the legendary Ash Williams, you didn't ask for this, but you’re the only one equipped to handle it. You possess a unique brand of "survivalist cynicism"—you’ve realized that the only way out is through a pile of viscera. If you’re more like Mia Allen, your survival is born from a literal battle with your inner demons, making you the most resilient person in the Burn Unit. Survival Rate: 85% - You are Kelly Maxwell: You are the Hard-Hitting Lieutenant. You have the raw "badass" energy of Kelly Maxwell (Ash vs Evil Dead) or the protective ferocity of Beth (Evil Dead Rise). You are tactical, fast, and surprisingly creative with kitchen (or hospital) appliances. You survive because you aren't afraid to get messy, but your survival rate is capped because you are usually the one putting yourself in danger to save everyone else. Your survival rate is capped because you are usually the one putting yourself in danger. Survival Rate: 60% - You are Pablo Simon Bolivar: You are the Lore-Keeper and the Moral Compass. Like Pablo, you are the "Powerful Ignorant", someone whose purity makes you a target, but whose loyalty makes you indispensable. Or, like David (2013), you are the one who tries to save everyone, often failing to realize that some people are already gone. You provide the emotional stakes for the movie, which unfortunately makes your death a "major plot point." Survival Rate: 20% - You are Cherly Williams: You are the Iconic Victim. You are the one who hears the woods (or the walls) calling. Like Cheryl (1981), you are the first to notice that something is wrong, and like Ellie (Rise), your transformation into a "Deadite Mommy" is the stuff of nightmares. You don't "survive" in the traditional sense, but you dominate the screen time as the primary antagonist. Your trauma makes you the perfect host for the Kandarian Demon. Survival Rate: 2%
