Q1: A family member drops an unstable, glowing green crystal on the kitchen table and says it might swallow the solar system. You: A. Grab a screwdriver, isolate the quantum matrix, and use it to boost your modified toaster. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. Stutter nervously, complain that this violates basic safety protocols, and get dragged into a portal anyway. [You are Morty Smith] C. Take a video of it for your story with a dry caption about how deeply toxic your family environment is. [You are Summer Smith] D. Ask if it can help fix the weed whacker, then immediately step on it. [You are Jerry Smith] Q2: What is your ultimate philosophy on the meaning of life? A. It’s completely meaningless. Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. It’s terrifying and chaotic, but I guess we just have to try and be nice to each other before an alien turns us into soup. [You are Morty Smith] C. It's mostly about maintaining an immaculate reputation while secretly harboring deep-seated abandonment issues. [You are Summer Smith] D. Life is great when the local diner gives you a free apple pie voucher because they misspelled your name on the receipt. [You are Jerry Smith] Q3: A literal alien warlord threatens to obliterate Earth unless you give them what they want. What are you offering? A. A hastily assembled, bass-heavy musical number that accidentally wins an intergalactic talent show. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. A desperate, sobbing plea for mercy while hiding under the dining room table. [You are Morty Smith] C. A fiercely sarcastic insult that cuts deeper than any plasma weapon the federation owns. [You are Summer Smith] D. A multi-level marketing pitch for a high-end organic juice cleanse. [You are Jerry Smith] Q4: How do you naturally handle a massive emotional crisis? A. Drink heavily, build a neutrino bomb in the garage, and bury the feelings under layers of aggressive narcissism. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. Have a full-blown panic attack in the school hallway, then get manipulated into a dangerous sci-fi mission. [You are Morty Smith] C. Go on a ruthless, post-apocalyptic rampage in a desert wasteland to let off some steam. [You are Summer Smith] D. Get fired from an entry-level advertising job and assume it's a corporate conspiracy against your genius. [You are Jerry Smith] Q5: Choose your ideal weekend activity: A. Doing black-market trades with bird-people in an alternate dimension to find the perfect hangover cure. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. Trying to have a normal conversation with your crush without sweating through your shirt or ruining the space-time continuum. [You are Morty Smith] C. Texting under the dinner table while entirely ignoring your parents' impending separation. [You are Summer Smith] D. Listening to human music on a loop while wearing a windbreaker and organizing your coin collection. [You are Jerry Smith] Q6: You accidentally ruin your current dimension beyond repair. What is the recovery plan? A. Hop over to an identical reality where we just died, bury our own corpses in the backyard, and pretend nothing happened. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. Cry hysterically and carry the psychological trauma of staring at your own alternate dead body for the rest of your life. [You are Morty Smith] C. Shrug it off, adapt to the new post-apocalyptic landscape, and become a badass warlord with a collar made of bones. [You are Summer Smith] D. Blame my spouse, complain that the streaming remote is too complicated, and look for a missing sock. [You are Jerry Smith] Q7: You encounter an alternate version of yourself from a parallel universe. What is your immediate reaction? A. Establish dominance immediately. There can only be one alpha me, and this alternate guy looks like a total amateur. [You are Rick Sanchez] B. Get incredibly insecure, ask them if they have a better life than me, and start hyperventilating about the concept of infinity. [You are Morty Smith] C. Ask them where they bought their jacket, mock their posture, and completely ignore them to look back at my phone. [You are Summer Smith] D. Try to start a complicated handshake routine, get immediately scammed out of my wallet by myself, and cry. [You are Jerry Smith] Results: - You are Rick Sanchez: The smartest person in the room (and it shows). You see through the illusions of society, school, and traditional relationships, choosing instead to operate on pure, chaotic logic. You’re brilliant, deeply flawed, and your coping mechanisms involve high-concept projects and absolute emotional avoidance. People think you’re a monster, but deep down, you’re just a monster who happens to be right 99% of the time. - You are Morty Smith: You are the reluctant sidekick. You are just trying to live a normal life, go to school, and talk to your crush, but the universe keeps violently pulling you out of your comfort zone. You have a strong moral compass that gets constantly eroded by the sheer absurdity of your surroundings. You're stressed and hyperventilating, but surprisingly lethal when everything goes completely sideways. - You are Summer Smith: You pretend you don't care about anything, but you’re actually the most functional person in the room. You possess a sharp, cynical wit and a natural knack for surviving alien apocalypses without losing your cool. You don't get bogged down by grand philosophical nihilism or anxious panic attacks; you just want to get the job done so you can go back to your phone. - You are Jerry Smith: Congratulations, you're a Jerry. You lack any discernible skills, the universe barely tolerates you, and you once got stuck in a daycare specifically designed for people with your exact demographic limitations. Yet, against all mathematical odds, your complete lack of self-awareness allows you to find joy in things like bad advertising slogans and weed whacking.
